


Wherever You're Going, I'm Going Your Way

by deepspacepine



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Celebrating the end of the First Order, Established Relationship, Finding Finn's birth family, Finn-centric (Star Wars), Force Healing, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Found Family, Grief, Lightsaber Training, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Parts of this are disgustingly sweet but parts are serious too, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Wrapping up the Resistance, anti-reylo, stormtrooper defectors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22188265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deepspacepine/pseuds/deepspacepine
Summary: The Resistance have won (most of) the war against the First Order, and it is time for everyone to celebrate, and grieve, and move on in their new lives.Working Title: Finn and Poe Get Married and Find a Family
Relationships: Finn & Jannah (Star Wars), Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Finn & Rose Tico, Jessika Pava/Rey, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey, Poe Dameron & Jessika Pava, Poe Dameron/Finn, Zorii Bliss & Poe Dameron, Zorii Bliss/Jannah
Comments: 16
Kudos: 50





	1. A Party

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kingyusuf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingyusuf/gifts).



Finn is hanging onto Rey and Poe as if their lives depend on it, because it feels like it does, still. His tiny little family, against the world. He knows, objectively, that it’s loud, and busy, and people are rushing all around them, embracing, crying, loving each other and missing each other, but right now the only thing he feels is the two people in his arms. Poe grabs Rey's hand across his back, and they squeeze impossibly tighter, and sob, and release. It's done. It's done.

He can't quite believe he might actually be truly, truly free from the First Order. It's a dream so often walked it seems almost a memory already. The relief. Gods, the relief. He’s shaking with it. They have won. They are free. They are alive.

They pull back from the hug almost as one, still crying. Rey laughs a little, still holding onto both their shoulders, as Poe wipes his eyes. Finn reaches out to take his hand and join their little trio once more. They move with the flow of the crowd and get changed, grab food, get cleaned up and slap bacta-patches where they’re needed. But never really leaving each other's line of sight. 

The three of them start back towards the main hangar. Somewhere distant, an engineer has rigged a set of speakers out of an old transport, and Finn can feel the music thrumming in his breastbone. There are people in clusters, bright patches of joyful dancing and laughter. A group is turning over crates in the corner to form a make-shift bar, another is repurposing the landing beacons as decorative lights. Zorii runs past, turning to salute Poe with a laugh, and yells out "Got a stash of booze in my ship. Let's get this party started, flyboy!" Some of the pilots start corralling them into the mess-turned-dancehall, and Zorii comes back over, now juggling several bottles, and then Finn only remembers bits and pieces.

***

He's looking at Jessika and Poe across the hangar, who are just holding one another. _Snap._ He can hear it, without them saying. Finn can see they’re both crying and he can feel it and suddenly he’s in the hug, too. And then the world rotates again, and he’s not. 

***

He’s dancing opposite Jannah, behind the old skiff-turned-DJ booth. “We never had music before!” She screams over the synth, “I kriffin’ love music!”. She throws her head back and laughs, grabbing him by the hands to pull him into a complicated whirl. They laugh and spin and laugh. They’re free.

***

He stumbles into the ‘fresher and wets his face, feeling too hot with all the people and the noise and the _emotions_ around. The face in the mirror is far more relaxed than he ever remembers feeling. He wonders what he looked like as a child, when he was taken. If his family is still out there, with baby cousins that look just like he did. If they’re safe now, because of him and Poe and Rey, because of everyone. If they’re still looking for him.

***

He's hearing the music turn impossibly louder, and someone’s grabbed a mic and is shoving Poe out into a clearing where he can be seen by almost everyone. He’s a little drunk and stumbles, grin flashing. “Alright! Alright.” He laughs, and takes the mic, playfully pushing the person- Finn thinks it might be Pattros- out of the circle. The song draws to a close, a new one, an awful ballad, begins to play and Poe looks through the crowd, for him, Finn realises, as they lock eyes. 

And then Poe sings. 

Finn’s heard snippets before, in the morning, half-awake and staring at Poe between his eyelashes, bathed in warm light filtering through their window. That warmth is filling him up as he listens. Poe is smiling, the corners of his eyes crinkling in the way Finn loves, and he can’t help but grin back, heart swelling. It’s an awful tune, and Poe is warbling drunk, but when the song ends, and he rushes to hug Poe. He can’t remember being this happy.

***

Someone brushes past him and Rose, at the crates her and the engineer corps have rigged into a bar. She jostles her drink and he watches it fall, heart in his mouth, and then it’s not falling. They both stare at the glass, speechless. Finn snatches it out of the air, quickly passing it back to Rose. Her eyes are so, so wide. 

“Finn!” She exclaims, and lunges to hug him ridiculously tight. Her eyes are sparkling as she pulls back. “I knew it!” She must see his confused look, because she continues, eyes downcast, “My sister was too. Used to get these “feelings”, y’know?” He can only nod, and hug her again. His mind still refuses to wrap around the idea.

***

He’s back on the dancefloor, swaying more than dancing in a group, listening to Jessika and Zorii tag team on teasing Poe about how gone on Finn he is. BB-8 is about underfoot, and he beeps something that makes Poe squeak and turn a brilliant shade of red. Jessika is clutching her stomach and crying with laughter. Poe is blustering at BB-8, and Finn just starts to giggle at everyone, making Poe even more indignant.

***

He’s outside, staring up at the million, million stars visible even over the glow of the base, and waiting for Rey to talk. She sighs again, and he turns to face her, hand rising to clasp her shoulder.

“It’ll be okay now.”

“I know. I know.” Silence. Stars. “I still killed him. I had to.”

“I know.”

***

He’s at the bar, meant to be getting a drink for Poe, and someone hands him some home-brewed concoction “for the Generals” that’s disgustingly sweet, but he drinks it all anyway.

***

He’s dancing with Rey now, who moves with none of her usual economical grace, and he reaches out to hold her hands to guide her. He knows who she keeps glancing at over his shoulder.

“I don’t like this.” She shouts over the music, always taking everything seriously, even dancing at the party to celebrate still being alive. 

“Maybe you just don’t have the right partner.” He yells, wiggling his eyebrows and tilting his head at Jessika, who is chatting with Poe behind him. Rey drops his hands and stops dancing, stammering. He laughs and shoves her off towards the pilots. 

***

Poe and Rose are in a corner, and he doesn’t mean to overhear exactly, but it’s like he can tune in even over the music and he hears:

“Does it get any easier?”

“In a way. You remember less often. But you never forget.”

And they embrace for a long time.

***

As he looks around the room he sees Jannah and Zorii at the corner of the dancefloor, wrapped around each other, moving with the music and locking lips occasionally. Finn catches Poe’s eye across the hangar and raises his glass towards the new happy couple. Poe laughs and mirrors his action. 

***

He’s watching as Poe makes his way over. The hangar’s mostly empty now, and the last of the other pilots has called it a night. He’s a little drunk, and loose, and something has eased in his chest again at the sight of Poe. They sway to the music for a bit, something slow and jazzy, Poe’s arms around his neck and their eyes closed, foreheads touching. Just breathing each other in. Making sure it’s really real. They’re really safe.

***

He’s changing into Poe’s (theirs now, really) ridiculously soft pyjamas in their room, whilst Poe brushes his teeth in the ‘fresher, humming the awful ballad from earlier softly. They’re together and they’re safe.

***

And he’s kissing Poe. They kiss, and they kiss, and they kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to the wonderful @undeathaura, for her constant excitement, inspiration and timely links to finnpoe clips. i hope you enjoy this angel <3
> 
> coming up next: domestic fluff and the meeting to decide the future of the resistance!
> 
> kudos and comments greatly appreciated :)


	2. A Meeting

Finn wakes to a kiss on the cheek and the smell of fresh caf directly under his nose. “Mmbafh.” He tries from where his face is squished into the pillow. 

“Come again?” Poe chuckles. The bed creaks as he leans over to place his mug on the nightstand. 

Finn reluctantly pulls himself up and blinks blearily until the steaming caf Poe is holding out comes into focus. He’s rarely been allowed lazy mornings after parties. Or caf. Or parties at all, really. “I said, what time is it?” He takes a sip. “Also, Maker bless you for bringing this.”

Poe, disarmingly fully dressed already, cracks a crooked smile and replies, “It’s okay, you can say it, I’m the best boyfriend ever.” Finn grins back. “And it’s about 30 until the meeting, thought I’d wake you up in time to get ready.”

“Thanks.” He smiles the smile that makes Poe feel like he’s watching the sunrise. He’s blessed. “You still heading over early?”

“Yep.” Poe says, exhaling and looking away. “Bit nervous. Big shoes to fill.”

“You’ll be fine, Co-General Dameron.” Finn teases. “Aren’t you always?”

“Only when you’re around for a rescue, Co-General Finn.” Poe replies, with a mock salute. He briefly pecks Finn on the lips, then grabs his datapad and heads out the door with a “see ya”. BB-8 beeps reminders at him as he heads down the corridors. Meeting time. Future of the Resistance time.

Finn smiles softly at Poe and BB-8 leaving and heads to the ‘fresher to scrub some of the hangover off. Hot water does wonders, and his back isn’t even too sore today. It feels like the most gentle morning he can remember. He grabs some clothes, stealing Poe’s jacket (for good luck) and heads to the mess with his half-finished caf. Finn spots Jannah as he collects his food, who waves him over.

“Still kinda overwhelms me.” She comments as he falls into step beside her. “All the choices? All the flavours, y’know?”

“Never knew we had so many senses, inside the helmet.” Finn replies, a little wry, thinking of his newest discovered sense. He gestures out the hangar as they pass through and smiles, “But there’s a whole world out there for us to explore.”

“Yeah, yeah there is.” Jannah smiles faintly, looking absentminded.

***

There are more than a few leaders looking green around the gills (some literally) as they step into the main briefing room, where most are already gathered for the meeting. The Meeting. To decide the future of the Resistance. Poe is stood near the centre of the large room, large holo-table already set up. Finn looks to the floor as he steps up to meet him, a little nervous. He pats Poe’s shoulder quickly and nods at the question in his eyes. He’ll be fine.

“First off,” Poe starts, quiet immediately sweeping the circle of people gathered, “I want to thank you. To thank anyone who answered our call,” and he nods to Lando, “Your bravery saved lives. But I would also like a moment of silence for everyone not in this room.” The stillness at his words is absolute, and devastating. Poe is clutching Shara’s ring in his left hand, and Finn’s hand in his right. Finn can feel the grief of the room, a low pressure feeling in his bones like a storm’s coming in.

After a minute, Poe clears his throat, and swipes out from his datapad, to display their map of First Order bases on the star chart projected in the centre of the room. “Coordinated attacks launched with the remnants of the New Republic have destroyed these sites,” He clenches his hand, and most of the markers blink out, “but several went dark around the time of the attack on the Final Order.” 

He nods to Lieutenant Connix who steps forward to speak, swirling the map through the site as she describes the size, purpose and import of each one. The last, she says, is a training facility, but of course Jannah and Finn remember. _Athulla._ The place where they all began. 

“That shouldn’t be a target.” Finn interrupts.

Jannah quickly follows on, “It’s the training facility they first take you to. It’s just kids. We need to get them out. Reunite them with their families.” Muttering follows, and Finn knows people are still uncomfortable with the ex-’troopers.

“They are only children.” He says, tone firm, brooking no argument. “They’ve probably been abandoned, will have no idea what’s going on. If we,” he gestures expansively to Jannah and the other escaped ‘troopers behind her, “explain everything to them, they won’t resist. They need rescuing, not fighting.” Rey is nodding at him from across the room. 

“That seems a fair first option. They are, as you say, only younglings.” General Ematt affirms in his low, rumbling tone. “You should lead this rescue, Finn.”

“I agree. You’re the best man for the job.” Poe speaks up beside him. “Get a team together, and go quickly. We’ll make space for guests here.”

“On it, sir.” A short clerk, with pale lilac skin and eyes (Zar’ju from ops, Finn thinks) confirms in a clear voice. It’s settled. The eyes in the room turn back to Poe, but it’s Lando who speaks.

“What of the other bases?” He coughs. “We cannot allow the First Order any opportunity to rebuild. Leia fought all her life to prevent just that.” There’s a beat as everyone in the room absorbs that, and then action as they plan the strikes necessary, the logistics of their final attacks.

The meeting begins to drag, into minutiae of diplomatic missions to re-establish the New Republic; who in the Senate should face trial. Rose fights for the decommissioning of all weapons stockpile after the attacks on the remaining First Order bases. Her engineers back her up, and it is decided they will be converted for energy source parts, sold on as part of the relief efforts. 

A junior officer Finn doesn’t know stands up, clutching a holo of their brother, and makes an impassioned plea to enshrine new protections against slavery into whatever accords are passed. Jannah puts a steadying hand on their shoulder. The room rests silent, until Finn speaks, voice flat. “Slavery was a weapon of the First Order, and of those regimes before it. I promise you- we promise you- it will relegated to a horror of the past.” 

Rey steps forward and meets his eye. “Master Skywalker changed many rules of the Jedi, and I want to change many more. More than anything, we should protect, help, free those who suffer. You have my word.” She is solemn, quiet. The junior officer nods, crying, and steps back. They have not won all the battles yet.

The meeting concludes quickly after that, and Finn heads off with Jannah after a brief good-bye to Poe. Jannah leads him outside, into the jungle, the canopy close overhead and brilliant green. It’s loud with life, the calls of creatures he doesn’t have the names for, and full of light. He knows it’s Jannah’s favourite place to be- it’s his, too. They instinctively seek the opposite of everything they knew _then_. They stand in companionable silence for a while, and Finn starts to catalogue all the fauna around them, the purple flowers just beginning to bud, and the jagged leaves of the trees. It's grounding, calms him. 

"Do you remember before, at all?" Jannah blurts out, looking at him from the corner of her eye. 

He shakes his head, "No. Nothing."

"I have this faint sense-memory. Of being held, of being loved, before." She sighs. "I need to know who that was- Is. You can understand that?"

"Of course." He exclaims. "Of course, I can." He pauses for a moment. "We are more than they made us." 

They clasp hands, and stand together, reveling in the fresh air on their faces, the smell of the damp earth, the sounds of the wildlife all around them. Finn's mind wanders again, and he thinks about finding his family. If they would know him any more, if they would be proud of him. 

"I'm still afraid they'll come for me. Sometimes. At night." He says conversationally, still looking into the jungle, and Jannah simply nods and squeezes his hand tighter. "I was so scared to leave, but it felt better- it felt better than choosing to shoot."

"I know, Finn, I know." And she, of all people really does. He feels the comfort flow through him from where their hands are still joined. "We'll be okay."

"We'll be okay." He repeats, smiling softly, and almost believes it.

***

It’s a simple attack, for a simple base, a mechanical platform hidden from scanners, by magnetized particles thrown around into the planet’s constant storms. Also hidden from sight, because as Finn looks out the front of the transport, he can’t make out a thing. He backs out of the cockpit, and clicks onto his private commlink channel with Poe, shuffling through the crawlspace back into the main hold. 

“Please tell me you can see better than we can.” He slumps into his seat, fastening the harness. “It’s worse than Dagobah out there.”

“It’s like flying in soup.” Poe’s voice is crackly with distortion from the storms, but still reassuring. “BB-8 is trying their best, but it might be rough going.” As if on cue, the transport starts to jump about with turbulence.

“You’re gonna have to make this place more visible, there’s no way we can land in this.” Finn hisses out of the corner of his mouth. He nods and smiles at the other crew in their seats, tries to project calm and ignore how tightly he wants to grip the straps around his chest. Jannah, directly opposite him, smirks, not buying it one bit.

“Already on it.” Poe acknowledges, and Finn hears the firing mechanism over their channel right before an orange plume of smoke explodes in the distance. “Wahoo!” 

“A flare might have been more appropriate.” Finn leans back in his chair as the transport closes into land, and the sounds of the firefight grow louder.

“Ah, but where’s the fun in that, General?” Poe’s still laughing, and by the sounds of it, engaging with a few ancient First Order tie fighters that rise up out of the clouds, along the remainder of Red and Blue Squadrons. “See you on the other side!”

“Safe flying, Poe.” Finn switches to the mission channel, unstraps and stands, hanging onto the net across the hold ceiling for balance. He quickly runs through their pre-landing checklist with Jannah, before waiting from a go/no-go from the Resistance command. It’s a tense few seconds while their signal cuts through the storm and back, with nothing but the roar of the storm and the whine of the laser fire going on outside. They are hovering maybe a quarter click from the landing site, and vulnerable except for the X-wing cover.

“ _Attack status, go, repeat, go._ ” A clinical voice echoes over their comms, and then they are bumping down onto the pad. His squad lines up in a V around him as the hold door hisses open. As soon as a gap is cleared the twelve of them lay down covering fire and jog off the transport, fanning out to the dubious cover of half dismantled ships. The roar of their transport departing is barely audible over the sound of the storms and the fighters above.

The duracrete landing pad is exposed in front of him, sweeping in a wide semicircle with a sheer drop along the straight edge. Dim light filters down to them, just enough to see by. A charred fuel canister to the left, still burning, indicates the source of Poe’s earlier “flare”. His team are already edging carefully forward towards the compound entrance, a single door that is purposefully designed to be a dangerous bottleneck. Finn gets into position with half the squad to the right of the door, and nods the go-ahead. He holds up his fist and counts down on his fingers. 

He really hates this part. 

_Three._ Jannah leaps forward and destroys the door control panel.

 _Two._ Blaster fire erupts out of the blast door.

 _One._ The left team sweeps across the entrance, laying covering fire.

“GO, GO, GO!” Finn’s team, the right team rush the entrance, firing blind to hopefully keep any remaining ‘troopers down. He tries not to feel guilty, repeating the mission map like a mantra, as they jog in a tight pack through the corridors. _Left. 200 m to service corridor. Force door. Right, then immediate left. Set charges. 5 s to cover. Blow through to command centre._

The corridors are grey and clinical, identical to every other First Order base he’s ever had the misfortune of visiting. Jannah obviously agrees, breaking the group’s terse silence, “I see the First Order hasn’t discovered interior design whilst we were away.” Finn and a couple of the others chuckle, then they are being fired upon, and duck behind the buttresses in the corridor. Finn and Jannah move as one, lunging out of cover, her firing her energy bow high and him blasting low. All six stormtroopers drop.

“I see they haven’t learnt how to fight either.” One of the squad, Kalo, jokes from behind them, and Finn barks a laugh as they jog on. 

They make it to their target without meeting any more resistance. As they set the charges outside the command centre, Finn is almost suspicious of the quiet, and he can see by her hands flexing on her bow. The explosive tech finishes setting the blast pack and backs them up around the corner, with a nod and an “Okay, boss, all ready.”

Finn returns the nod uneasily and indicates to take cover and detonate, right as Jannah says, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” Things go rapidly downhill from there.

***

“Halt! Stop or I shoot him!” A voice, distorted by the ‘trooper helmet, barked out the order through the smoke of the explosion that was still billowing out through the service corridor’s ventilation. Finn squints, trying to make out the figures within, darting his head around the corner for a better look.

“ _Oh, kriff._ Boss, he’s got a kid.” Kalo snarls beside him. “Oh, those-” They break off and inhale, charging into command room in blind rage.

“Kalo, no!” Finn cries. Blaster fire opens up from all angles, illuminating the black smoke in an eerie red. Kalo crouches and slides behind a desk, narrowly avoiding fire. Finn’s breathing hard, arm held out to prevent the rest of the team rushing in to rescue them. ‘Troopers are creeping towards Kalo's hiding spot. They manage to down one with a lucky shot to the armpit, and advance further into the room, to the central holo-desk. 

Finn inches towards the door, and picks off another ‘trooper from his new vantage point. A volley of blaster fire burns the durasteel where his head was moments before. _Force preserve them,_ there must be 20 ‘troopers crammed in the small circular room. Six are huddled around a seventh, holding up a frightened girl of about eight standard cycles. Kalo calls out to her, trying to reassure her, and Finn sees what’s going to happen a split-second before it does. 

Kalo jumps up and dashes for the group, intent on saving the girl. A stormtrooper off to the left, half-hidden in a doorway, fires their blaster. 

Kalo cries out, and falls.

The blood is rushing in Finn’s ears as he sprints into the room, shouting and firing. His team follows on his heels, and they skid to a stop, slamming into the same desk Kalo had lately been hidden at. Jannah is breathing heavily next to him, eyes wild. Half of the troopers are down now, but they still have the child.

“I will shoot her!” The stormtrooper shouts out again, sounding crazed. Now they are closer, Finn can hear the little girl crying. He steals his resolve. Jannah catches his eye, looking guilty and then drops her bow and stands, hands in the air. There’s a clack of armour as all of the blasters in the room are suddenly trained on her.

“You don’t have to fight!” Jannah pleads, stretching out her arms in supplication, “We used to be just like you. I used to be TZ-1719.” She glances back at Finn, who shakes his head frantically. Only the most loyal sites remain; these 'troopers won’t defect. “We choose not to follow their orders. We choose not to fight for them, not to kill for them.” His team is wound so tightly, they barely breathe, praying, wishing, hoping. “You can, too! It’s over. The First Order is over!”

“Never!” The same ‘trooper sneers back, and then Finn is yelling.

“Jannah, get down!” The Resistance fighters leap the desk with him, time slowing to a crawl as he sprints for the girl, throwing her captor to the side. He shields the child with his torso, and fires a series of shots at the trooper who threatened her, and trusts his team to protect him. He’s mumbling reassurances to her under his breath, as she shakes in his arm. 

The exchange of blaster fire continues, sparks sputtering from a control panel that catches a missed shot, and Finn watches another of his team take a blaster bolt to the leg, luckily a glancing blow. Jannah has recovered her bow and is standing guardian over Kalo, who is groaning and clutching their bleeding shoulder, alive. The last standing ‘trooper takes a well placed shot to the chest from one of Jannah’s tribe, Forten, and the room is suddenly quiet. 

Finn lifts the girl, hushing her, and asks for a sound off. All minor injuries excluding Kalo, who is supported between two other members of the team. “Let’s get out of here.” Finn sighs. A deep guilt is squirming in his gut, and he doesn’t want to look dead stormtroopers. Doesn’t want to think about the lives he had to take. 

Jannah takes point, and they all jog quietly, shoes clacking on the durasteel floors. The girl is still shaking, clutching Finn’s shoulder, and he gently asks her name. She answers with a designation, and he consciously has to control his rage so as to not frighten her.

“You’re safe now, little one.” Finn whispers, and strokes her back. By the time they reach the transport, she’s asleep, exhausted. Her face relaxed in sleep makes something burn inside his chest. A sense of wrongness, and loss.

***

In the room, there are children. For a second, all the horrors of the First Order, of _then_ , well up again in Finn’s throat, threatening to choke. _They are children._ And maybe he didn’t know enough to be horrified for himself at the time, but now he does, and he will be horrified a thousand times over for these children. One of them spots him, stands awkwardly to attention, and the rest follow, motion rippling across the room into absolute stillness. 

“Are you FN-2187?” One of them asks, a girl who looks about 17, with shaved dark hair and impossibly yellow eyes, shifting her weight back and forth restlessly. “Sir?” She adds, with a wobble in her voice, when he doesn’t reply immediately. The others have almost imperceptibly shifted away from her. Singling yourself out is not in the training. A single ‘trooper dies where the unit stands strong.

“Finn.” He says, voice hoarse. All the eyes flick back to him. “My name is Finn.” Maker, they are only children. “You are safe here. I promise.” He takes a breath, and continues. “I left the First Order because what they did was wrong, and what they did to me- to us- was especially so. You are not disposable. You are not tools. And you are not a number- you get to have a name.” The girl who had spoken up before, raises her hand. It’s trembling slightly. He gestures for her to speak.

“Uh… My squad,” she gestures to the three behind her, “they call me Buzz. For the hair.” The others behind nod and look between each other, none wanting to go first. Instead, an older person to the side speaks up.

“I’m Xert. I don’t know how I remember. But I do.” Their voice is quiet, but strong. The others all follow with nicknames, with stories spilling out. Does the Resistance do this? Can they listen to music now? Xert demands to see medical, to see the bacta-tank that Finn talks about repairing his spine. He didn’t believe he was safe here at first either. Jannah arrives just as he is showing the two youngest to some crayons and paper. One is the girl he rescued on their mission gone wrong, now named Paige. He’d taken a collection of names, and double-checked with a teary-eyed Rose, but the little girl had liked it and so Paige it was. She’s still very quiet, hiding behind her long hair, dark eyes impossibly old.

The other, introduced as Skips, skin as dark as Finn’s own and hair not dissimilar to Jannah’s, looks up at Finn to ask what he should draw. An expectant pause; he is clearly awaiting an order, perfectly compliant. Jannah moves over, face carefully still, and crouches down beside the kids.

“What’s the best thing you’ve ever seen?” She asks, voice carefully neutral. Skips ponders this, unselfconsciously tapping his chin with one finger. 

“The jungle! From the shuttle window here. It was super green!” He gushes, impossibly wide grin breaking out over his face. He grabs the green crayon and gets to. Finn marvels at the resilience. Jannah catches his eye and nods, she’s got the very young ones. He moves back to the loose circle of chairs the teenagers have formed, and tries to make them feel at home. He can sense their uncertainty, and tries to smooth it out with more stories of kindness on base.

“It took me a long time to feel this was my home. And you don’t have to stay. But you get to choose that now. It’s a lot at first, but you learn what you like and don’t like.” A few nods at this, and he smiles, hope blossoms. They might just be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Finn reveals his secret, and Poe has a realisation.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos greatly appreciated :)


	3. A Revelation

Finn can feel something is _off_ , as he nears Rose’s quarters. He still hesitates to name it, but there’s low pressure like rain coming in, a sensation in his bones (and he remembers the first time he felt the rain on his bare skin). He’s on his way to meet her for lunch, and she’s upset. 

“No!” Rose snaps from the other side of her door. Finn hesitates, hand raised to knock. “How will it take so long? How?!”

A muted voice answers Rose, and he hears the door release. A New Republic officer that he doesn’t recognise shoulders past him. 

“Rose?” He says softly, stepping into the room. She’s stood facing away from the door, shoulders heaving. He can feel the sharpness of her anger like it’s his own. 

“The power cells. They’re not shipping them until they receive payments.” Rose bites out. Her knuckles are white where they grip her necklace. It feels like all the air has left the room. “They know- Agh, they must know those colonies can’t afford them! That’s the whole reason I’ve been converting on the cheap.” She takes several deep breaths, straining to calm herself. Finn pauses, thinking.

“What if we paid for them? If we took up a collection from people’s wages? That could get a few moving where they’re needed most.” Rose swivels, mood reversing into positivity so quickly it makes Finn’s head hurt. 

“Yes!” She starts pacing, steps practically bouncing. “They’re only asking a few credits each, so if everyone gave even one-I had thought of crowdfunding before, but of course with the backlog of wages suddenly coming in- If we can maybe get a thousand credits together- Of course then there’s shipping-” She cuts off, and grabs Finn in a brief hug. “Thank you!”

“Always, Rose.” He squeezes her back.

“Now maybe let’s grab some food? I’m kinda hungry.” He grins sheepishly at her from arm’s length.

“Oh, yeah, of course, you’re on early rotation, aren’t you?” Rose smacks her forehead lightly with the heel of her palm, “You must be starving!” 

“Maybe a little.” Finn laughs, “How’s the conversion program going anyway?” 

“Oh, you know how it is,” Rose pulls her hair back off her face with the tie on her wrist and shoos him out the door, as she replies. “Everything takes longer than you think.” She rolls her eyes. Finn smiles, glad she’s bounced back. Glad to help.

***

Poe is hunched over reports at their desk, squinting, when Finn makes it back to their room. The late sun is highlighting the dust on the holos on the desk; bright specks over Shara's kind smile, Rey and Rose and Zorii's heads thrown back laughing, Leia's distant eyes. He suddenly feels the emptiness of everyone not with them and slumps down onto the bed. 

Poe doesn't turn from the squiggles he's drawing all over a star chart, but says, "You okay there, co-general?" 

"Mhmm. Just thinking." Finn sighs. "Brought you some snacks though." He tosses some of the bantha sticks he'd grabbed and they share them in a heavy silence. He thinks about the newly liberated 'troopers, about Jannah, about the golden family surrounding their desk, about the sense he's afraid to name. He sighs again, and brushes off his hands. 

"I think I've got to talk to Rey." He says heavily, and Poe does look up at this, with widened eyes.

"Okay. You want me there for backup?" Poe replies eventually, level.

"No! No, I mean." Finn looks up at the ceiling and automatically rolls his shoulders back to stand at attention. "I gotta do this by myself." 

Poe just nods, and stands to embrace him. He squeezes Finn, as if this can squeeze all the warmth he feels right out of him and into Finn. "If you need to talk, I'm here." He releases his partner and gently pushes him towards the door. "Oh, and Finn? Come see me when you get back? I have something to give you. From the General." There's no mistaking who he means.

***

"Get it together; you managed to leave the First Order. This is a good thing! Okay, stay calm, stay calm, stay calm." Finn says to himself as he strides down the corridors to Rey's room, shoulders tense. Her door opens right as he raises his hand to knock, and Rey grins crookedly from the other side. 

"Gotcha!" She cries, and leaps forward to wrap him up in a bone-crushing hug. He laughs and hugs back, loving how much Rey still revels in her powers. They don’t let go for a long time, then Rey suddenly shoves him back at arm’s length. Her stare is disconcertingly hard, eyebrows drawn together sharply. “There’s something you came to tell me.”

“Rey,” he starts, and she’s holding herself very carefully now, and he takes another breath to steady himself. 

“I think I’m Force sensitive-” 

“-You have the Force.” They speak as one.

He can’t seem to stop, “I think it’s part of why I couldn’t fire on those citizens, back then-” 

“Woah!” Rey talks over him. “Finn! This is amazing!”

“-it’s difficult to tell because I think it’s kind of always been there-” 

“-I always thought you had a way with people-”

“-but it’s as if I feel every living thing around me-” 

“-and of course you said you fought with the saber almost automatically, but I didn’t think-” 

“-and, and the other week-”

“-Force sensitive! I have so much for you to read.” 

“I don’t- I’m not sure-” He tries to stammer out but Rey cuts him off.

“No, I’m sure now.” She nods. “This is great. It makes so much sense. Finn, I’m so excited!” She reaches out to grab his hand and with that, he can _feel_ her excitement washing over him. “Is this what you were going to tell me? In the sinking pit?”

“Yes.” He admits sheepishly, “Sorry.” Rey waves her hand dismissively, then drops his hand to start pacing the room, frowning at the floor.

“I’ll have to see about training, and books, and finding some kyber- although I was already going to get some for myself- and-” Finn leaves her to mutter around her breath for a bit, just revelling in the weight that’s lifted. It’s real. It’s real.

***

 _Oh._ Poe thinks, as soon as Finn leaves, brilliant and nervous and beautiful, _I want to marry him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeeeee they gon get married!!!!! :D
> 
> Apologies for any double spaces between sentences, I've just written my interim Master's dissertation and my supervisor is very finicky so I'm in completely the wrong formatting zone fssdh
> 
> Up next: Poe plans his proposal, and Finn trains in using the Force.
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos greatly appreciated as always <3


	4. A Proposal

"Finn." The General looks weary, but her eyes are sparkling, almost mischievous, visible even on the grainy holo. "I hope you're well. I gave Poe this message just in case I was no longer around by the time you discovered your Force sensitivity. I hope-" Finn pauses the recording, clutching the holo so hard his knuckles turn white, fingers numb. His Force is strong enough Leia had sensed it. _Maker, she’d recorded this holo just for him._ He winds the holo back a couple of seconds and plays, staring at the General’s wry smile so hard he forgets to blink.

“I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t say anything.” She shifts and sighs, “Sometimes, I think it’s best not to push these things. The Jedi, they- they train so young they never know anything else. That’s not how things should be. That’s how- part of how- things have gone wrong for them in the past.” She pauses, wipes her eyes, and Finn does too. 

When she starts again, her voice is stronger, focused, more like her speeches, “As you know I have the Force, and I used to use it without knowing. Sometimes, when I was negotiating, shadowing my father, I would simply _know_ someone was lying. Or I could, I don’t know, _nudge_ someone into agreeing to something. When Luke told me I had the Force, it was as if I already knew it was already there, I just had to get used to reaching for it on purpose now, rather than relying on it subconsciously.” She looks at something off-camera, taking time to arrange her thoughts.

“I found this difficult at first, and I think you will, too. More so than Rey or Luke ever did. We’re different from them, Finn. Not in a bad way, just in that everyone connects to the Force differently. Your connection is very much through other living things, I can feel it. Concentrate on that. On their energy, and the Force flowing around them. It will open your eyes. That’s the best advice I can give you, that old dusty books can’t. The Force is a living thing, so respect it as such.” She pauses again, settling out of her formal posture. “Oh and Finn? I’m proud of you and Poe, whatever has happened. I know you are brave, kind, good people.” She smiles at the camera for a few seconds, eyes full of what he can only call love. 

Finn’s suddenly aware of the room around him again, the hum of the background base activities, the rasp of his own stuttering breaths. He rewinds the message and plays it again, and again, and again, overwhelmed. He keeps getting stuck on the last bit. The General, Leia, she- That she would even think to record this. There’s a knock at the door, and Poe enters when he croaks an "enter", cautious at first but rushing over when he sees Finn is crying. 

Finn shakes his head, now cradled in Poe’s arms and manages, “Just watch.” He tries to compose himself as the message plays again, already has it memorized. Poe pulls him up so they’re eye-to-eye when it finishes, tears hovering on the edge of his own eyes, and kisses Finn on the corner of each eye, then the forehead. Finn shifts to rest their foreheads together, and they sit like that for a long stretch of minutes, sharing air and space, the frozen holo of Leia watching over them.

Eventually, Poe pulls back, a fond smile curling the edges of his mouth, “I can’t believe this. My boyfriend has the Force! Do you know how many people I can brag about this to?” Finn shakes his head, smiling at their joined hands in spite of himself.

“Oh, joy. Can’t wait!” He replies dryly, and Poe smirks, then inhales very deeply and opens his mouth to shout, but Finn rushes to slap a hand firmly over his mouth first. “No! No, no, nope! Not a word from you, Mr. Dameron.” Poe is cracking up behind his hand, and Finn starts giggling, too, and they fall back onto the bed, tangled together, just staring at one another.

“You have to admit, it is pretty cool.” Poe points out, after a while, moving to wrap his hand around the back of Finn’s neck.

“Yeah,” Finn replies, with a small smile, “It is pretty damn cool.” He’s still smiling as he leans in to kiss Poe.

***

Rey leads him out to a clearing in the jungle, probably only 20 paces wide. The creatures are quieter here, the air heavier. They've been before, to just sit and meditate. Expand their awareness together, follow the ebbs and flows of the Force. Today is different. Rey has brought both of the sabers still left to them, wrapped carefully in a piece of her old robes. Finn rolls his shoulders, jacket crinkling as he does, and tries to feel calm and centered. It's more like being in the eye of a storm, the Force amplifies and swirls up all his emotions; it encases him.

“Breath, Finn. With me.” Rey calls him back to himself, narrows his focus. They run through the series of forms she has shown him before, the dulon. He settles into the stretch of the movement, the slightly uncomfortable tug of the scar tissue on his back. Rey switches into the Soresu forms, and Finn moves across from her, mirroring. Last week, they had studied holovids of the old Jedi order together, piecing together forms that felt comfortable for him. 

Rey shifts her weight suddenly, and attacks, sweeping an arc towards his left shoulder and halting just as instantaneously, flicking her saber off just before it would have made contact with him. He is only halfway into the defensive stance he would have needed to block it. 

“Again.” Rey commands, and attacks. Over a series of barely avoided blows, he is driven back, frustrated at the unfamiliar style. “Feel the Force around you, you will draw on it without thinking.” He tries to reach outwards for it, but all his concentration is taken on not letting Rey slip past his defense. He spots an opening in the tree line to their right, and darts towards it, ducking and rolling under a combined stab and kick, as Rey predicts his direction. They race into a meadow, waist-high flowering grasses disturbed by their tread. 

Rey uses her momentum from the sprint, throwing her weight behind a low slash that Finn narrowly avoids. He spots an opportunity as Rey rights herself, using his reach to cut down at her shoulder. So fast he doesn’t see it, her saber meets his in midair. They each bare their teeth as they try to force the interlocked blades one way or the other. Rey disengages with a circular parry and feints left before quickly pivoting to jab at his right wrist, driving him further back to avoid the attack. 

Finn grows more frustrated, and looses a series of slashes, trying to regain some ground with his reach and strength. Dimly, he knows he’s lost his form, and then Rey stops parrying, blocks and locks their blades. With a flick of her wrist, she disarms him. 

She sets her saber to point to the ground at her side, silent. He’s aware of his own panting, struggling to control his frustration with himself and embarrassment at losing his center. He looks at the remnants of the wildflowers that had been behind him, and sighs. Some of the stems are still sizzling where the saber had sliced through them, severed their petals. Rey follows his gaze and furrows her brow. "Let me show you something."

She strides over and sweeps gracefully to sit among the ruined flowers, plucking two halves of a large pink bud up into her lap. She pats the dirt next to her and looks at him expectantly. Finn sighs again and plonks down next to her. Rey inhales and exhales with intent, closing her eyes and smoothing over the blackened flower with her fingertips. There's a crackling in the air, a feeling of flowing that raises the hairs on the back of his neck. 

"Woah!" Finn breathes, leaning closer as the flower knits itself back together. Petals unfurl and become whole, char receding. All he feels is the Force, the power of it. Rey's eyes are open again, blinking at him.

"You try it now." She places a cluster of small blue flowers, burnt pollen floating behind her hand as it moves. "Connect with the Force around you, draw on it, then use yourself as a conduit to redirect it." 

Finn closes his eyes, centers himself. The Force is always at his fingertips, now he knows what he's reaching for, and he imagines the flow of soft blue light. Into him from a thousand, thousand surrounding specks. Down and out of his hands as they cup the wrecked flower, flowing into it. Making it whole, turning back the time. Rey makes a soft noise, and he opens his eyes, squinting at the sudden brightness. 

Then he sees what's around them.

The flowers are all repaired, flowing in a graceful arc so that they are surrounded by delicate colors and their sweet smell. Rey is enraptured, trying to look everywhere at once. He smiles at her smile, and concentrates, drawing stem to root to soil. Returning to where they can thrive in the meadow. He did that.

When they have all settled, Rey nods at him and stands in one motion, expression stoic. "Very good, Finn." He gets a jump flash to the future, a split second glimpse and jumps sideways to his feet, Rey's saber whistling through where he'd just been sat.

"Hey!" He cries, draws his own lightsaber, and Rey is frowning, concentrating, eyes flicking to every subtle shift in his stance. Quick as a flash, she turns and darts back into the jungle, not bothering to see if he chases. Finn does, and training is back on.

***

Poe seems almost… jittery at breakfast, and Finn keeps meaning to check in if he’s alright, if there’s some big meeting coming up he’s forgotten about, but he keeps getting distracted by what he can feel in the Force. He doesn’t mean to brag to Poe, but in between mouthfuls of caf and horned melon, he can’t stop talking about how he can heal things with the Force. 

“I mean, it was amazing…” Finn shakes his head with a smile, “All those years being treated as a weapon, and now I’m a kriffin’ medbot!” Poe looks almost pained at the reminder of the First Order, but quickly smooths out his expression. Finn knows that Poe, of all people, knows he doesn’t have any use for pity. 

“Proud of you, honey.” Poe reaches over and takes his free hand, thumb rubbing a gentle semicircle on Finn’s palm. It’s nice, soothing. Sometimes Poe does little things like this, gives Finn such a feeling of being warm and safe and loved that he wishes he could bottle it and keep on feeling it forever. 

They’re both lost in their own thoughts, Poe still fidgeting, when BB-8 rolls into the mess and starts beeping insistently at Poe, who jumps out of his daze with an “oh, crap!”, quickly kisses Finn on the forehead and dashes off after BB-8, shrugging into his jacket as he goes. Finn laughs to himself at the pair, and opens his data-pad to some of the old Jedi texts Rey had scanned for him.

***

Kes Dameron's face stutters into focus on the holo, wide smile already crinkling the corners of his eyes. Poe's breathing eases as he smiles back, "Hey, Dad. How's it going?"

"Good, good. Got some new vegetables planted out back. How are you?" Kes makes a show of peering around, "Is it just you, or is my favorite son-in-law around, too?" He winks and laughs at his own joke. 

Poe freezes and coughs, looks down from the holo-cam. "That's- heh, that's kind of why I was calling, Papá." He realizes he's toying with his mom's ring on its chain around his neck and stops suddenly. 

When Poe braves looking back up at his dad, Kes is frozen, eyes suspiciously wet. "Oh Poe, really? Really? I'm so happy." He starts crying in earnest, which sets Poe off. They both laugh a little at themselves once they stop. "Oh, I'm so happy for you both."

"Woah, woah. Nobody's asked anybody anything yet!" Poe exclaims. He's grinning so hard his cheeks hurt. "That's part of the reason- I wanted to- I wanted to ask if it would be okay to have Mom's ring resized? If he says yes?"

"Oh, mijo, of course." Kes touches the screen, "Of course. If you're sure." Poe mirrors his gesture, heart swelling. 

"You know I am. I love him, he's it for me, Dad." Poe shrugs self-consciously, "I just kinda know."

"It was the same for me." Kes gets a little teared up again, eyes distant. "I'm coming to visit." He declares, and carries on over Poe’s protests, "As soon as he says yes, you're coming to get me for some welcome to the family time!" 

Poe gives in and laughs again, "Of course, Papá." They talk things over a little longer, all the while, Poe's heart thrills, equal parts nerves and excitement. He's going to propose.

***

Jannah looks down at her beeping comm, confused as to why she has a message from General Dameron. When she opens it, her confusion only grows

Gen. Dameron: NEED TO HAVE MEETING. DISTRACT FINN PLEASE. KEEP AWAY FROM PILOTS LOUNGE UNTIL 2100 _AT ALL COSTS!!!_ Poe x

Lt. Jannah: Okay??? I’ll take him out for dinner then?

Gen. Dameron: YES! PLEASE!  
Gen. Dameron: Thank you!!! xxxx

 _Weird…_ , Jannah thinks. There’s a short pause in the General’s messages, and she shoots Finn a quick comm, saying he should come over for dinner and some Jogan fruit cake, which he had wanted to try.

Gen. Dameron: Don’t tell him please but GOING TO PROPOSE!!!!!!

Lt. Jannah: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No problem  
Lt. Jannah: Good luck :)

She grins at her comm, already excited for Finn. She can’t help but worry a little too, like big events for “regular” people always make her do. Sometimes she feels like she’s constantly playing catch up on rules that everyone else knows about but nobody thought to clue her in on. But a proposal! _How exciting,_ Jannah thinks to herself, beaming for the rest of the day.

***

Poe is ready to tear his hair out by the time Rey and Jessika rock up, late, to the small sofa he’s snagged in the corner of the pilots’ own communal space. Zorii and Rose are already sat opposite, chatting amicably about some technical heat sinks and shielding that he can’t even begin to comprehend. He wipes his palms on his pants, again. 

“Alright, hotshot, what’s this Big Secret Meeting all for?” Jessika throws herself onto the couch next to him, whilst Rey perches on the arm beside her, eyes curious. Poe sighs and rubs his eyes. Zorii and Rose break off their discussion to look at him. He opens his mouth to speak, loses his nerve, and closes it again.

“Well?” Zorii drawls, “Any thoughts at all, Dameron?”

“Wait!” Rey jumps up, looking about wildly, “This isn’t a prank, is it? Did Finn put you up to this?”

“No!” Poe slashes the air with his hand and, noticing the attention they’ve drawn from the few others in the room, continues more quietly, “No, it isn’t a prank. I’ve- I’ve decided to ask Finn to marry.” He risks a glance up from where he’d been staring at his interlocked hands, shaking imperticibly. Zorii is as blank as always, but the other three look as if they might explode. “Please, no screaming!” He adds. Rose bites her lip and nods.

“Propose?!” Jessika’s eyes are practically bugging out.

“Mhmm.” Poe nods, and she leans over to punch him in the arm, surprisingly hard. “Ow!” 

“Poe Dameron, I cannot believe it!” He can only shrug at her shock.

Rey and Rose are both grinning fit to split their faces, but Zorii speaks next, “Not that I’m not pleased for you, flyboy, but why are you telling us and not, y’know, Finn?”

Poe takes a deep breath, stares unseeing at the pattern of the flooring. “That’s the thing. I’ve been trying to think of how best to do it.” He sighs, and looks up at each of them in turn. “And I think I need your help.”

***

Dinner with Finn is curry with some sort of refried bean curd, a speciality one of her tribe of deserters had developed. Sometimes others think their recipes are odd, but a lot of them were formed from half-learned ideas and whatever ingredients they could cobble together on their outpost. They were never going to be the galactic classics.

Jannah has just added their homemade spice mix from the jar and left it to simmer, on the portable hotplate she had set up in her quarters for the occasion, when Finn knocks and enters. He grabs her for a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, and launches almost immediately into a story of how his training is going. She stirs her curry, and sets him to work boiling some grains to go with it on the other hotplate ring, as he chatters away. The domesticity is something she never knew she missed, before. 

“-and then, I rejoined them all! I healed them!” Finn exclaims, bouncing with excitement as he stirs the cooked grains. 

“Woah, Finn.” Jannah laughs and grabs the pot out his hands before he spills the boiling water inside on himself, drains and serves the food. Finn apologizes, helps her carry the plates and sauce dish to her low table. They sit on cushions on the floor next to it and tuck in. Finn seems distracted now, and so Jannah takes over the conversation. “I love trying new foods. Spicy flavors? Practically abuse they never gave us them.” She jokes.

“I know?” Finn replies, leaning into his incredulity, “I would have considered staying if they’d only given us chilli once in a while.” They both laugh, glad the other gets it, and continue eating in silence for a few minutes. Finn loves Jannah’s quarters almost as much as his and Poe’s. The room is just piled with colorful fabrics, wall hangings in patterns of almost every culture from the Outer Rim, and everywhere, cushions and soft furnishings. There are so many pillows on her bed he can barely see any of the blankets. Hanging across her small window which overlooks the jungle outside, is her prize string: bunting made of defeated First Order officers’ rank patches. It’s perfect for her.

“I’ve been talking, with Lando,” Jannah starts, and then hesitates. Finn carries on eating, but she can tell from the careful nature of his movements he’s intent on what she says.

“Yeah?” He prompts.

“He’s agreed to take me- to help me find my family. They’ve started a project, the New Republic, I mean. Gene matching us to where we came from.” She fiddles with a lock of her hair, looking out the small window at the night sky. “I was one of the first to sign up.”

“That’s good. That’s great, Jannah.” Finn’s eyes seem impossibly kind, and she tries to stay composed. 

“Yeah,” she continues shakily, “the thing is- there’s room for one more? If you wanted to come? Find your family too?” She hurries to reassure him, “The young ones are getting collected rather than going themselves, you wouldn’t be taking anyone’s spot.”

Finn shifts, uncomfortable, but doesn’t know at what. “I think-” He frowns down at his mostly finished curry, “I think I’d like that. I’d like to know- It’s stupid, but I’d like to know my last name?” He looks up through his brow at her, searching for a reaction before continuing, “Getting to choose, to accept my name, to become Finn, it was big. It made me feel real. But, having that… I don’t know, the unconditional name? The one you get just for being. That’s kriffin’ huge.” Jannah nods, pensive. 

“I understand that. I’m similar in some way, we just have this- this lost history, y’know? Makes me feel disconnected.” She sighs, shifts forwards to clear the plates. “C’mon, let’s cut the depressing conversations and stuff ourselves with cake.” 

“Sounds like a great plan,” Finn laughs. 

***

Finn is alone, in the same clearing Rey had shown him- "It's the stone. I don't know, something about them channels the Force. Like it entangles the energy. It's sacred."- he's meditating, or trying to. The Force here is molten lava, not electric and overwhelming like it has felt during his sparring, but somehow it's more distracting.

 _The harder you try to hold on to it, the more it slips through your grasp._ It feels like something Leia would have said. Maybe it was her. Maybe he’s just going a little stir-crazy. He opens his eyes, ignoring the twinge in his back as he unfolds himself from the floor. Finn sighs, shakes out his arms and throws himself into the dulon. It’s complicated enough to distract him, a little, but a sudden bird call throws him off mid balance and he pitches sideways, twisting uncomfortably to recover his feet. 

He exhales sharply. Grits his teeth. Starts again. 

He makes it through three fewer forms than he did before and yells his frustration at the empty sky. 

_The more you force it, the more it will elude you, Finn._

“I know!” He snaps, then pauses. “General?”

Silence. 

Finn huffs and drops back down to sit in the meditative position. _I think I was better at this when I didn’t know I had it._ He shakes his head to try to clear it, concentrating on the Force around him. Another bird call, brighter but more staccato than the last, distracts him, and he flicks an eye open in annoyance, before scrunching them both closed again. He tries to clear his mind, but only succeeds in getting more caught up in his own worries, about the base, his family, Poe. 

He waits. He shifts. He reaches out.

The bird calls again, and it’s electric blue. Finn starts to sigh, and catches himself. He didn’t hear the bird call. He _felt_ it. _Huh,_ he thinks. All he needs to do is think of something else, and let his body reach out for the Force. Like a reflex older than he can remember. Finn smiles, and revels in the life around him.

***

Finn waits at the edge of the Resistance base for the trainee ex-’troopers, flicking through the contents of his pack again, like the familiar preparation will soothe him. It does, in a way, an old instinct he still hasn’t shaken. He senses the nervous energy of the teenagers before he can see him, like vibrations in the web of the Force surrounding him. They’re anticipatory, excited for a new experience. He is too, and drinks in the sensation.

Buzz spots him first and waves jubilantly, face lighting up. Her hair is freshly dyed the kind of turquoise Finn now associates with sun on the ocean. He’s amazed how quickly the little group has bounced back, how quickly he can see their personalities unfurl. Xert is at the back of the group, gripping the straps of their pack, face set in determination like herding the rest of them forward is a sacred mission. Jannah arrives a few moments later, but Rey is late (although Finn knows all too well this is not unusual). A couple of the teens have started a complicated clapping game, which fascinates Jannah so much she demands to be included, smiling through her puzzlement. 

Finn checks his pack again, and as he does, one of the group, Bobbie, who’d taken her name from an old holovid character she’d loved, tries to sidle over subtly. He deliberately concentrates on his inventory, not reacting. She’s very carefully not looking at him when she speaks, soft and low.

“I know you said it wouldn’t be, but- But I’m older than some of the others, y’know, been in the program longer,” She takes a shaky breath, words spilling out of her now, “I lost someone on endurance training before, so I just- I need to know. If I need to be on alert like that again. If I need to start rationing, it’s fine, I’m strong- I can do it. But, they always told us first, y’know? Gave us the mission parameters.” Finn tunes back into his body, and realizes the canteen he’s holding is creaking, threatening to buckle in the strength of his grip. He releases it, knuckles aching. 

“No, Bobbie, it isn’t anything like that.” He turns, makes sure she looks him in the eye, does his best to look reassuring instead of shaken. “It will probably take a while to sink in, but you _never_ have to do anything like that again. I promise you.” Bobbie is still, tense, shoulders at attention, so he continues, palms outstretched, placating. “I’ll give you my pack, and the pocket navigator, if that will prove it to you. You’re not being abandoned anywhere. You don’t even have to come with us.”

“No!” Bobbie cries, too loud, drawing the eye of a couple of her old squadmates, who visibly tense up. She carries on in a whisper, eyes imploring. “I don’t- I can’t let them out of my sight. I’m too scared that- that...” Finn nods, understanding. He does the only thing he can think to do, and wraps an arm around Bobbie’s shoulder and squeezes gently. He concentrates on his feeling of safety, and tries push it out through the Force, lay it over the kid like an energy shield. 

“Just try to distract yourself from the past today. The rest will come with time.” Bobbie nods, still chewing her lip, and rejoins the group. Finn sees her squadmates checking in, bent protectively around her. He sighs, and Rey chooses that moment to rush over, litany of apologies falling off her tongue before she’s even in earshot. He waves her off, and double-checks the headcount, before leading the way onto the trail.

They’re hiking to a lake nearby, that Finn knows from a trip he took with Poe, what feels like a lifetime ago. It's over a steep ridge, so he goes slower than he might have alone. Gives the kids time to take in the view at the top. They can see the water from here, midmorning sun still hitting it at an angle over the rise to their left. The whole valley, spread out in a bowl before them with the lake, deep blue and vast in the center. Some of the fog hasn't burnt off yet, clinging like extra vines around the treetops.

He hears someone gasp as they crest the ridge, then Rey replies, "I know. I still can't believe there's that much water in one place." He forgets, sometimes, how monotonous her childhood surroundings were too. It's windy, exposed as they are here, but Finn likes the fresh air on his face. He's enjoying the ramble too, in the same way, losing himself a little in the routine motion.

After a quick break for some hot cocoa, Finn leads them on, with Jannah at the front and Rey at the back. Buzz is keeping up a stream of questions at Rey about Jakku, her Force powers, her clothes, anything and everything. She just wants to learn. In the middle of the group, Bobbie and her squad have relaxed slightly, walking in a loose circle rather than lines of four. One of them, Jento, has a holo-cam out; he's capturing everything around the group with exaggerated wonder, much to the bemusement of the rest. 

"Never knew you had such a flair for the arts, Jen." Bobbie teases.

"Never had a cam before, Bobbie. I'm full of mysterious talents." Out of the corner of his eye, Finn sees Jento turn to wink at Bobbie, and the group dissolves into giggles. He shares a small smile with Jannah, heart full. They'll be alright, soon.

***

Just before midday, they reach the shore of the lake. There’s a little bay Finn had visited before, dirt and pebbles in a small strip at the water’s edge, jungle thick to the other sides. There are trees, bark fibrous and hairy, with tangles of bulbous roots, trailing into the water, branches bearing thick swathes of moss. Him and Rey and Jannah are all stood in line, a united front staring across the water. The far shore is fuzzy with distance and lingering mist, but sun here is bright, and glitters off the lake. 

Jento is snapping holos of the expanse of water, mouth wide, all pretense dropped. His awe now is real. A clatter on the stones makes Finn turn back, and he sees Buzz, already divested of her boots, hiking up her pants and heading for the shallows. She walks gingerly on the rough stones, and hesitates before the water, dipping one big toe in the water from her raised leg.

“Go on!” Rey gestures her forwards, already tugging her outer robes off. Buzz swallows, and steps into the lake, staring down at the water lapping at her ankles. 

“It’s so warm!” She exclaims, then shrieks as Rey dashes past her, diving in and splashing her. She emerges a few yards away, hair slicked back and eyes bright. Finn remembers her joy at being taught to swim, and how naturally it came to her. Like she was made for water. A few of the other teens follow Buzz’s lead and wade into the water, but some, like Jannah, hang back. He knows they can all swim, you had to learn, but he also remembers how they had to learn. He doesn’t blame them for their reluctance. 

Jannah seems content to stay and unpack their lunch, waving him off, so Finn shucks his shoes and outer layers, and dives in after Rey. She’s moved closer to the shore, and is messing about, showing off really, using the Force to move fist-sized globules of water out of the lake and over the teenagers’ heads. Her grin is sharp as she just catches one of them with the improvised water balloon.

“Seems like an unfair fight.” Finn folds his arms, fixing Rey with a level stare. Buzz titters, wading to his side as back up.

“Hey,” Rey’s smile widens, “We’re good at winning those, I’ll have you know.” She lunges, arm out-stretched and a wave catches both him and Buzz in the face. They splutter as Rey laughs. Finn makes a pantomime of being outraged, but really he can’t stop laughing too. Buzz wipes the water off her brow and circles back to the others in the water, conspiratorial. A quiet boy in the group, who had taken the name Cassian with a shrug and minute nod when it was offered, is gesturing sharply, hand out flat as a map and the other indicating positions. 

Finn squints, trying to see more, and then the group scatters. They quickly rush through the water despite its depth, acting in a pincer motion, until one of them gets close enough to try to dunk Rey. She leaps back, with a little Force enhancement, and they repeat the motion. On the fourth try, they catch her. Rey comes up spluttering, and a full water fight is on. 

Finn floats on his back out of the splash zone, arms and legs outstretched. On the shore, he can hear Jento and Bobbie laughing at the antics in the water, Jannah and a couple of the others unpacking the picnic the tribe had helped prepare. The water fight continues around him, laughter and yelping and the occasional shriek as someone gets caught with a Force-water bomb. The sun is warming Finn, and the water soothing his back, and he is happy. He is content. 

***

Jessika’s waiting for them when they arrive back at base, tired but content, and she greets Rey with a peck on the cheek, then glares at everyone as if daring them to comment. Finn gives her the most sarcastic thumbs-up he can manage over Rey’s shoulder. He says goodbye to the kids as they leave to wash up, watching them with that weird mix of fond-worried-awe he can’t shake.

“Heading back to your room?” Jessika asks, weirdly intent all of a sudden.

“Uh- yeah, probably?” Finn replies, frowning. Jessika is suddenly enamored with her comlink. Rey shifts from side-to-side, refusing to meet his eyes. He’s worried there’s a prank involved on his walk home, and eyes them suspiciously. Jessika’s comlink buzzes, and she looks up at Jannah, pointedly. Finn’s frown deepens.

“Well, come on then!” Jannah is _way_ too bright, and actually grabs his arm to tug him along. He’s rocketed past suspicious into paranoid by the time they meet Zorii along the way, slouching against one of the walls, examining her sleeve. The four of them keep up a rapid-fire chat about their respective days and upcoming plans, and despite all the weirdness, Finn gets distracted by them. Zorii is riotously funny, and her jokes often go right over Rey’s straightforward head, making them even funnier. By the time they reach his quarters, he’s almost forgotten the earlier odd behaviour, and to wonder why the four of them felt the need to escort him to his door. 

They say their goodbyes, and wander off, giggling down the corridor, and looking back. Finn waves to his friends as they leave, shaking his head at them, and clicks open his and Poe’s door. It’s dim inside, and Poe is stood in the middle of the room, fidgeting with the pocket on his shirt. He starts at the sound of the door sliding open, takes a couple of hurried steps towards Finn and then stops just as abruptly. 

“Finn… You’re back. Hi!” 

“Hey…” Finn looks around, and everywhere, just everywhere is candles, all lit, crammed into every nook and cranny of their room. “What’s happening?”

Poe takes a deep breath. “Okay, so, okay- Finn.”

“Yeah?” Something is ticking away in the back of his mind, like he should know what’s happening.

“Finn. When I became general, I was- I was so scared. And I realized that, I needed you, wanted you by my side- with me, to help me lead the Resistance almost immediately. Plain and simple, I love you.” Finn’s heard it before, but somewhere in the back of his mind the ball drops and he feels like he’s been gut-punched. He’s crying almost immediately, and walks over so he’s standing right in front of Poe. He takes both his hands and hangs on. He’s never letting go. 

Poe continues, “It took me a bit longer- a bit longer to realize I wanted you by my side, always. Not just as-” He breaks off. “Fuck, okay, I promised myself I would actually get through this,” He scrubs at his face, too choked up to speak. Finn hasn’t stopped crying since he understood what was happening. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he croaks. “I love you, I love- I love you. Poe, _it will be a yes._ It’s always been a yes.” 

“Okay. Phew, okay,” Poe squeezes his hands, almost sobbing, visibly steels himself. “Finn, my Co-General-” and Finn can’t help but snort at that “-love of my life, my Finn, will you please do me the honor of marrying me?” Poe releases one of his hands, only to pull his necklace off, the necklace Finn knows carries Shara’s ring, and offer it to Finn, hand trembling so the ring rattles a little in midair. 

“Of course-” Finn chokes out, “Yes, yes of course, Poe, yes.” And Poe whoops, actually whoops out loud like they’ve made a clean hit in the middle of a firefight, and leans in to kiss him, long and slow and deep. Finn knots his fingers in Poe’s hair, and objectively, it’s bad, they’re both snotty and can’t stop smiling long enough to actually kiss very much, but he loves it. After a while, they stop crying, and stop kissing, and Poe pulls back to place the necklace on Finn, and then they’re crying again, but laughing too. Finn feels their combined joy fizzing through him, and grins so hard it hurts.

There’s a knock at the door, and Rey yells through, “Can we come in yet? I’m dying out here!”

“Yeah! Come on in,” Finn laughs, wiping both his and Poe’s eyes and turning to face the influx of their friends, who had, apparently, been eavesdropping in the hall. Rey’s impish smile turns into a grin and she squeals, and runs full pelt to hug him both. 

“Oof!” Poe gets an elbow somewhere in the mess.

“Stop complaining, old man, you’re getting married!” Rey admonishes him, and immediately giggles, clearly drunk on the same happiness Finn can feel pervading around them. Once Rey releases them, Jessika pounces on Poe, talking a mile a minute and dragging the two of them, still attached by their joined hands, out to the mess for an impromptu celebration. 

There are already people starting to gather there- and Finn doesn't want to know what kind of secret group chat there was about this whole thing- and a couple of pilots drag Poe away, ruffling his hair and keeping up a constant stream of teasing. Finn smiles at the scene. Rose arrives all in a rush, hair in another one of her odd sweeping updo’s, and practically bowls him over with a hug.

“Sorry if I’ve been avoiding you!” She’s breathlessly excited and her words start to blur together, “Poe told me about his plan and then I _knew_ I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut because I’m just so, so happy for you Finn. It’s incredible!”

“No hard feelings!” He laughs, “Kinda assumed you just got caught up with the power cells.”

“Heh, well, that too.” Rose looks away, sheepish. “You know me, can’t tear myself away from studying specs.” 

“And I know it’s come in handy a lot, too.” Finn bumps their shoulders together. “Now, are you gonna buy me a congratulatory drink, or what?” Rose cracks up, and leads him to the bar. He makes the rounds, eyes always gravitating to Poe. It still wasn’t sunk in. Jannah sidles up at some point, glancing at him.

"Have you told him?" She’s still looking out at the crowd, jaw tense, "About what we talked about?"

"No." He doesn't turn from watching Poe, "I will. I will." They both sigh, but Jannah’s posture eases a little. And then Rey is back, pulling him over for photos, and a stream of well-wishers and drinks and laughter. 

And he knows Jannah is right, knows that tomorrow he will have to talk to Poe, tomorrow he will have to disappoint him, but right now? Right now, Finn can’t stop smiling, can’t stop the waves of everyone’s elation washing over him, can’t even try to pull his heart down from where it’s sailing over the moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH BOY that was long! This fic keeps getting away from me... Hope you enjoyed it :) Comments and kudos always appreciated <3
> 
> Up next: Kes comes to visit and the gang goes on an adventure!!!


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